Today while wandering the shelves of Sam's Club, I decided to 'make a fresh start in my life' - at least that's how the man selling the stuff put it. You see, although I shop (and spend too much money) often, its not often for groceries. In the rare instance I find myself in the grocery store, I'm there for the necessities. Bread. Fruit. Sometimes when I'm desperate, yogurt. But today, as my dear Granny's arrival approaches I found myself at the store in need of prunes (of the dried variety) and cole slaw. Two things I would rather bathe in, than eat.
So you see, I was completely overwhelmed in my efforts to find these two items that probably shouldn't be sold in bulk anyway. (Honey, where did you put the industrial-sized crate-o'-slaw?) I have NO poker face - so everyone knew I was lost. My face was basically shouting: "I can't find the 250 lb bag of dried prunes and NO I'm not confident enough to ask!" However, the sales clerks mistranslated my face to: "Please try and sell me your 4-inch-all-inclusive-make-up-kits and crock-pot little smokeys!" (Although I didn't mind the little smokey part...)
As I approached the registers, I assumed I was home free. Wrong.
Enter the most genius sales-person of the year: "Would you like to change your life around?"
Me: "I'm not sure..."
"You're not sure...?"
"We'll it depends, how much is it going to cost?" (This isn't my first rodeo, Mr!)
"This drink is life-changing. Its full of B-12! It'll change the way you make decisions. Your life will never be the same! Vitamins, vitamins, vitamins!"
(enter awkward silence here, followed by a meager, "yes?")
The man then hands me a full bottle of sample life-changing-new-thinking-magical-B12-unicorn-fabricating orange drank.
"Welcome to your new life!" he said, "and next time I ask you to change your life, say yes!"
Feeling like I'd just had my first successful drug deal, I scurried off...
Apparently, this liquid will give me 'crack-like-energy'.
After all, we all need a little more crack in our life.