Feb 3, 2013

MEN: Thinking of getting married?


Boys, lets have an honest talk about marriage real fast.  You're dating the woman of your dreams, save, maybe you're engaged. Your boys say it isn't cool - They mock, they laugh, they motion behind your back.  Still, you shrug it off.  Chivalry isn't dead.  And you love your woman. She's different.

"They're jealous they don't have a smokin' wife to be", you tell yourself.
"We are golden."
You repeat this mantra as you fall asleep each night, or in the quiet moments of your showers.

You see, you find yourself to be an expert on relationships; a girl guru if you may. (sure, we'll roll with it) You have read 'Datable', so you're going in prepared.  You'll love her, she'll respect you. Your wife isn't one of those emotional beings, anything that comes your way will be fixed with a logical conversation and a kiss.

"You are golden"

But here's the thing. YOU AREN'T.  youaresounbelievablyinoveryourhead.

As far as your marriage is concerned: your wife is waaaaaaaaay prepared.  She knows what she would do if you cheated, if she burned dinner, if the power went out, if her best friend was into you. She's mapped out where she'll keep the photo albums and what she will do to lose the weight after the first, second and third child.  She's planned where you'll celebrate 5 years, and what mixed drink you'll share - down to the yellow umbrella.

As far as your marriage is concerned: all YOU see are hot meals on the table, a cleaner house, a pretty best friend to come home to, and cuddle at night.

So what happens when you're ready to wake up at seven, but she rolls over until 9:45?
or when she forgot to buy groceries, and you don't even have milk and cereal for breakfast?
or she cuts your hair, and messes it up - then makes you feel guilty for having her cut it in the first place (Once she cools off, she may even make inappropriate jokes about you looking like a cancer patient.)

What if she takes forty minutes to get ready in the morning?
or she makes you late for church, insists you relax and makes you go to the late service;
you hate late service.
or she might make you wait half an hour to start a movie, just to decide she's not really into watching it.

You'll have to get out of your pajamas and into clothes to pick up a ten-dollar-lamp across town from a creep on craigslist - who didn't have the decency to change out of his own skull-patterned-pajamas.

You'll smile, and she'll cry -
Tell her you love her, and she'll cry -
Take it from me, she'll cry.

But whatever happens, tears, hairs, and burned eggs aside, if she's truly your best friend
- you're golden.

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