Mar 25, 2013

Ain't No Sunshine When he's Gone

Husband has left me. Not like a forever kind of thing, just for the week-end-ish.

Before meeting Husband I was a person fully capable of entertaining myself for hours. I still am, but I forget this. And each time he leaves, I find myself asking "WHAAAAAAAA- what will I do NOW?", "My life is oveeeeer until he gets back!", and my personal favorite: "Can't I just be frozen in a sleep-like-state until he gets back?" (yes, I'm a little melodramatic.)

The truth of the matter is, he's truly my best friend - and he makes the little things enjoyable. Like grocery shopping, paying bills and watching bad movies. When he leaves I've discovered I usually spend the first 24 hours moping about and feeling sorry for myself. Which is toxic. It leaves me in a self-centered, unproductive state, where I'm lucky if I remember to eat. Seriously. It feels pathetic seeing it in text - but yes, sometimes 24 full hours. 

Over the past few times though, I've collected a few steps to face the loneliness - and get past the moping part more quickly.  Although these things work for me, they aren't necessarily a one-size-fits all solution.

Okay, not a literal smile - because that would be creeee-py. But who doesn't love when you hear the knock on the door, followed by a small bang on your porch. Break out the safety scissors, you've got some packing tape to pierce! Sometimes when I know that Husband will be gone for a matter of time, I order a little something online, so that way I receive a small gift in the mail while he's gone. Delayed gratification is SOOOOO much better. (BONUS: Amazon will send you a smile)

I think that this step is very, very important. Especially to us Pacific North-Westerners. I made a rule that every time I find myself sporting a 'woe is me' attitude, I'm sentenced to 30 minutes time OUT. As in, time outside. I run, I walk, I sit, I collect sunshine. I think you'll truly be impressed with how that half an hour can brighten your day. No sun = RUN.

This is actually one of my favorite solutions; read. 90% of people always complain that they 'don't have as much time to read as they'd like'. Hello, solution. Get lost in someone else's world, their life, their ideas, their problems. I love to get lost in a good book for hours. The time sure does go by quicker, and I don't feel rude ignoring husband to get to the end of a chapter.

I think that the largest reason that loneliness feels so devastating is the inward focus. I am alone. I want him to come back and keep me company. Because I'm bored and him leaving, isn't fair to me. When he leaves, it's easy to miss all the things that I'm so blessed by. Because the truth is, if you have have food, water, clothes and a place to sleep - you are among the worlds most wealthy. Don't feel that way? Well spend some of your time volunteering, and facing that reality. There are a hundred ways to get involved and do something good for other people in your community. Donate some clothes, feed the homeless, give your time. You missing your significant other will soon seem a little less important.

The first few times that Husband had to leave me, I was always focused on what other people had told me: be strong, he'll be back soon. Which for me, was an awful life choice. Instead of taking time to feel sad, cry, be angry, and understand what my heart was telling me - I played tough. I tried to keep it together, lied to people when asked how I was. Even convinced myself I felt fine. Then you end up rushing late to a meeting, without coffee, being cut off by and old lady and having a colossal break down in your car. Because you aren't okay, and you didn't take time to mourn, pray, and find peace in your father. Things stuffed down, tend to come back up...

What do you do when your other half leaves? Am I alone in this whole 'lonely mess' mentality?
I told you I was good at killing plants... didn't I?


  1. I completely get it! When Sam and I've been apart for a weekend I've felt so paralysed by loneliness. We are about to face 2 months apart while I wait back in America for my indefinite leave to remain in England. And I'm terrified about the time ahead of us.... but your post is so lovely because it made me realize that I am NOT crazy and that other people hate being away from their loves just as much as I do :) xx

    1. It feels good to know you aren't the only one, huh? And I'm always suprised by how many others have their signifigant others gone so much of the time, like me.

      Its part of what makes blogging nice - being able to connect and understand one another.

  2. Awww....glad he's only gone a short while. I LOVE these- especially the outdoor time. So very true!

    1. I know, me too. It will have been five days. Five long days. But I get him back tomorrow and I am more excited than a slinky on a escalator, Christopher Columbus with a Speedboat and a Body Builder directing traffic all put together.

  3. Your plant up there in the picture totally reminded me of how to lose a guy in 10 days and the dead love fern haha

    1. bahahah It totally is! Only, I killed it, not him. He's good with plants. I'm, well...

  4. ::sigh:: you're speaking to my heart with that burlap frame. and your plant looks like it's doing about as good as mine =) perhaps we should take a houseplant survival 101 course together. ps You are not alone, when your other half leaves, of course you won't feel whole. Because you aren't. But it's fun when he comes home and you can sing, "reunited and it feels so good!" until you both go insane <3

    1. We should do they offer that? It would probably be a pretty short class. Water, sunshine, check.

      But he's back, and it feels OH SO GOOD, indeed.


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