May 7, 2013

The fear

blouse: thrifted; shorts: thrifted; wach: c/o my dad

I truly believe that each and every person was given their own set of talents - that they are to use to bless everybody else. Its why those with a pretty voice - sing. And those who make great art - paint. So if you know what you are good at, its supposed to be what you're doing, no?

Well I am a creative. I love to draw, to design, to snap photos. Its what I'm best at.

It's why I was created and it's why I created this blog. So I could have the freedom to express myself in the ways I see fit. If I want to make some silly sugar cookies, I will. Or redesign my bedroom walls and brag. Or remake other gal's blogs. Because those are the things that I feel most passionately about, and its the kind of work a girl can really get lost doing.

The problem? Fear.

I fear that all the time, energy and work that goes into my endeavors on this blog is wasted. I fear that I will create things that people won't care about. I fear that what I make will be grade A garbage. I fear that if I'm too honest, people will stop reading and find someone more 'perfect'. I fear that I won't be 'honest enough' and be called fake. I fear that people won't appreciate me as an artist. I fear that I will never be anything but mediocre. I fear that I will charge too much for my work and have no customers. I fear I will charge too little and be taken advantage of. I fear that my friends and family won't understand what I'm creating here.

I fear the failing and the judgement.
... and this fear, It cripples me.

Slowly, I'm learning to show a little more skin, if you will. A little more of who Britt, really is. 
I'm learning to say, "This is me! Take it or leave it!"

I hope you take it.



Day 07/31 of blogging EVERY DAY IN MAY.

38 comments:

  1. If no one can't accept who you truly are, then they don't deserve to be in your life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, but the sad part is, they are going to be there anyway, right?

      Bosses, family, friends. I wish it were that simple.
      I wish I could just go kicking people out of my life.

      Delete
  2. Amen to the night owler,
    and ps your beautiful !

    Jenn

    www.hello-gutentag.blogspot.ca

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, well I wish cutting anyone who didn't approve of me out of my life was a real possibility. I'm considering... haha

      And thank you, I appreciate it.
      I'm always so nervous to get in front of the camera.

      Delete
  3. Can I just third what everyone else said or is that cheating?
    But I'm with you on the honesty bit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right? I've heard it both ways.
      Oh, shes so honest, she leaves nothing to the mind. As if we really care.

      vs.

      She's so fake. All she does is post pretty pictures. But there's no genuine person in there...

      ITS SO FRUSTRATING and confusing.

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. Well thank you Whit, I'm glad you like it here.

      Delete
  5. It's hard to be truly honest on a blog and to find your own voice. Your blog is great and you have great style. Fear not and keep on with it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Jill, I appreciate the advice.
      I'll try and keep pushing.

      Delete
  6. Thank you for writing this and being so honest and open. I have the same fears of mediocrity and judgement re: my blog. But I must say that from what I've seen of your blog, you are far from mediocre! Keep up the awesome work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahah no problem. I just figured that it would be something that many people would share with me. Turns out it is.
      Glad I could share it.

      Delete
  7. I wrote a blog about being honest on a blog and wanting to blog about 'real' things. I got so many responses it was crazy! Do what makes you feel best!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Katie, Thats great advice

      Delete
  8. I'm takin' it! :) I just found your blog but I can tell that I like you already. As I was reading that I realized I fear the same things, but I am fearful to admit those fears. Does that make sense? It is so scary to put yourself, your talents, your passions out there for the world to see, only to be rejected. But the sense of accomplishment you receive from making/creating something so beautiful, must outweigh the fear... right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely. I've been trying to follow my dreams when it comes to working for myself online blogging/design, and so far, all the successes have far outweighed the failures. I am learning that people aren't always going to approve, but it shouldn't keep me from stepping out and trying new things. Glad to have you here Courtney.

      Delete
  9. Ahhhhhhh totally relate to this! Except, you're actually DOING something with your talents and you know what they are! But yes, fear stops me all of the time... but at least it doesn't stop you. You feel it and keep going, you're doing it. And that inspires people like me -- who seem to relate to so much of what you say, but maybe haven't gotten past that whole speedbump of just... starting. Thanks for this! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I'm still in the learning curve, but I'm coming out from it. I don't want the worries about success, money and failure to keep me from doing what I'm so passionate about doing. So, I just won't. I let the fear have its ten seconds, and then I do something.

      Delete
    2. That's a great strategy. It reminds me of a scene from Lost, in which Jack says he gives in for 5 seconds then moves on... I use the same strategy, only I give fear a good 5-10 years, hahahaha

      Delete
    3. WAAAAAAH THATS TOO FUNNY.
      I was just watching lost. That was totally where I picked that up from. That's hysterical.

      Thanks you Dr. Jack.

      Delete
  10. I love it. You are obviously a creative and talented designer, and I am so glad I found your blog! You're just lovely. (For some reason lately I've been using the word "lovely" a lot, like I'm a 90-year-old British woman or something. I don't even know.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahah. well thanks Amanda, that really means a lot.
      I'm trying.

      And I love the word lovely. I use the same words over and over for weeks, and then move on. The only one I still use obsessively is infuriating. Apparently, there is no other word to replace that, and I need to use it a lot?

      Delete
  11. I can totally relate to this!!! Something I struggle with every time I post a photo or even think of adding photos to Etsy.

    Thanks for sharing and helping me to feel not so alone:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. amen// selling things online is really hard sometimes.
      Thanks for helping me see, that I'M not alone either.

      Delete
  12. Gurrll you already know I love you like a sista from anotha mista

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    Replies
    1. You are indeed my biggest fan, Amanada. Remember that one time you gave me a gold star?

      Delete
    2. Haha yes I do. I also remember when you spelled my name wrong... ;)

      Delete
  13. This. I feel this so much. It's the fear of putting myself out there and not making it. Of letting others down. And then I just don't follow through. I rely way too much on positive reinforcement and others' acceptance sometimes, and I need to learn to judge my work on my own and be proud and confident in what I do.

    And from a new reader, I appreciate the honesty always. And I never, ever would have guessed you felt this way from the look and feel of the blog. So you definitely are coming out with confidence!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely! I am way too heavily swayed by my readers, and what I think they think of me.

      "Down 100 views from yesterday? Maybe this post was crap!?"

      In reality, when you create something great, that you're proud of, thats all that matters. And thank you, On both accounts.

      Delete
  14. I think we all have a little of that fear. We are putting ourselves out there so the fear of rejection could be very real. I'm sure that you will never have to worry about that though!

    http://agutandabutt.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah. I hope I don't.
      But I've found everyone has their own form of rejection they face. SO maybe I will.

      P.S. Betty, you're a no-reply blogger. I'd love to have delivered this response directly to your email :(

      Delete
  15. You are a great blogger!!! Your photos are beautiful, your ideas are wonderful and your words are inspiring. I feel like you have nothing to worry about ;) btw, i just noticed your "she's talking about" section on your side column and OMG! i'm in love!!! im not really happy with my blogger theme and yours is so perfect!! HA! i'm jelly xP

    http://theinspirationsparks.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awwww, well thanks. I spend a little too much time on my blog for sure. When I'm not redesigning for somebody else, I'm screwing around on mine.

      OH MAN, Laura, you're a no-reply blogger too!
      shucks.

      Delete
  16. Being talented in such a great way is a blessing. I much prefer to see the true blogger behind the fluff. Be honest with yourself, because in the end that's who you are blogging for... Not for the masses. You don't have anything to worry about. Just be yourself. Readers come and go.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is so true. I just don't like that its true.
      Readers come and go, readers come and go.
      I'm going to attempt to accept this by making it my mantra.

      thanks.

      Delete
  17. visiting from SOML. love your blog, you are a stunning lady!
    i can also relate to this post, just keep on doing what YOU want to do and what makes YOU happy. this is your creative space, no one else's.
    xo
    Erica

    ReplyDelete

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