Pregnancy is both exactly, and nothing like what I thought it would be. I can not repeat enough, that growing a baby is the most uncomfortable, yet profound thing I've ever done with my life. Though my days are often filled with aches, pains and grievances - they are equally packed with joys, laughs and delights.
There is something so humbling about growing human life. Its an inexpiable mix of 'I was made for this' and 'what the hell is going on with me!?' There are so many feelings that daily throw my heart into turmoil; Emotions that my brain is not yet qualified to handle. The Lord has been showing me to accept these ups and downs with fervent praise. Joyous praise - fearful praise - stressed praise; praise nonetheless. In centering my heart around thankfulness, I've become overwhelmed by how many sweet moments I've been given... as our family grows.
These are the parts I want to remember.
Husband's sweet morning "shuushhh's" as he leaves for work and urges me to close my eyes. Though it causes him to suffer endless weeks of nothing but cereal for breakfast, he encourages me to sleep. On the few mornings that I try and fight his requests, he leans over and kisses my cheek. The most perfect three words in a low whisper follow. "It's for baby." He then lovingly arranges my various-sized body pillows around me, and pulls the sheets just how I like them. A few kisses later, I'm out.
The novelty of seeing my body stretch this large for the first time. I know it is cliche, but every morning I wake up and think: I can't get any bigger than this. Surprise and elation follow, when I awake the next morning to a bigger tummy than before. Its truly spectacular to think that my mom too, once marveled as I stretched her from within.
The closeness I feel with a baby who can only communicate through Morse code... inside my belly. Though no part of me wants to be lying eyes-open at 2 am, there is something so sweet about knowing that a real-life baby (inside of me) was the culprit for my waking. Its surreal really, to flip over in bed, and find that my little nugget is readjusting too. I truly look forward to the day when I can experience expressions, noises and movements - but for now its so cool to have our own secret line of communication.
Endless smiles, compliments and favor. I have developed what is known as the 'princess complex'. Essentially, everywhere I go I am treated like absolute royalty. Older folks smile and wave as we hobble by one another in the grocery store. People offer me free bottles of water when I am out and about at outdoor community events. I'm always asked if people can: get the door, hold my bag, get me something, make me food, and even unstrap my sandals (for goodness sake!) I'm quickly passing the stage in which I stubbornly try and do everything for myself. I'm giving in. And a girl could get used to this.