Jun 26, 2015

8 months old


Canon,

As I lay next to a sleeping 8 month old you - I feel overwhelmed by grace. You and I, little man, we've made it. It wasn't smooth, but we've made the mark. I am filled with sadness + joy in knowing that you likely won't remember any of the past month of memories we've shared. Sadness because, this has easily been our best month yet. But joys in knowing that all my errors and faults too will be forgotten. May these next few months be helpful practice for your mother's patience. (Lord knows, I need it).

Since day one, motherhood has been a constant battle between "this is beautiful and amazing" + "can I just have a small nap?" Fresh is the guilt of feeling that way when the nurses first laid you on my chest. After an entire ten months of pregnancy, and a whole day of labor I was ready to meet you - but was really ready for a nap. It wasn't personal. My love for you ran deep, it's just that birthing a baby takes a lot out of you.

As does raising a baby.

Our days are sweet and exhausting. It's hard to not feel overwhelmed by the Green eggs and ham effect. Because no, Canon, you may not play with my iphone on the bar, on our bed or in the car. I do not like you biting me, on the arm, fingers, or knee. I do not like... *crash, bang, wham*, I do not like it Can-o-man.

You dance now when I play music. It starts as a subtle bob, and then turns into full fledged arm flail during the good parts. To you, my love, it's all good parts. You look up to me with expectant eyes, until I pick you up. We dance. I will always hold dear these memories. Those sweet minutes in our kitchen, holding your little body close; swaying and jumping to the beat as the room is filled with it. I hope that you always dance with such abandon as we have on those evenings.

By nine your dad and I fall into bed, and watch you roll, climb and crawl around for the next hour - you squeal with delight in the rapt silence of your audience. And when that gets dull we chase each other around on all fours - because something has to be done to zap all that energy out of you. When I look back at photos of you at this age, I know they will bring forth the sweet tones of your giggle. A sound that feels like the soundtrack to our home.

This last month has been some of the best stuff. Here's to better stuff to come.

love, momma.

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